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wal-mart greeter

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by Captain Kevin, Oct 3, 2007.

  1. The local Wal-Mart had 1 open position for a door greeter. The store manager had narrowed his choice of applicants down to 4 folks he felt comfortable with. To help him make his choice he decided to sit all 4 guys down at a table and ask them the same question, and the one who gave the best answer would be awarded the job. The manager asked the first guy, Sir, what is the fastest thing known to man? The man thinks for a second and says" A thought is the fastest thing". We can't see it coming, and it just appears. Nothing is faster than that. The Manager is impressed that this guy is "thinking outside of the box". He then asked the second guy the same question. He says, "a blink of an eye is the fastest thing known to man". We do it tens of thousands of times every day, in fact it's an old addage "fast as a blink of an eye" There is no way anything is faster than that. The Manager senses that he might be trouble now due to what he felt was 2 great answers. He asks the 3rd guy the question. He says "Sir, my family are huge cattle ranchers in Texas. The main barn is about 1000 yards off the back porch of the house. When I flip the light switch I can see the light before the switch is all the way on. There is no way anything is faster than the speed of light. The manager now knows he has gotten nowhere with this approach, but out of courtesy asks the 4th man the question. Without hesitation he says Sir, the fastest thing known to man is Diarreah. The room erupts in laughter. After everyone regains their composure, the manager can't wait to hear this guys reasoning, and asks, why he felt diarreah was the fastest thing known to man. The man said, well, last week I had intestinal flu, and had to go the restroom really bad. and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had **** myself.

    HE GOT THE JOB!!!
     
  2. and his first day on the job.....

    A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
    The Wal-Mart Greeter said pleasantly "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart. Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
    The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't."
    "The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think
    they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"
    "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Ma'am," replied the greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."
    "Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart."
     

  3. I like the second, that's funny.
     
  4. hook line and sinker

    hook line and sinker F.I.S.H. FAN

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    Absolutely the funniest thing ive heard all day!! LMAO