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The Retrosexual Movement.

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by Row v. Wade, May 3, 2004.

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  1. The Code ...
    A Retrosexual, no matter what the woman insists, PAYS FOR THE DAMN DATE!
    A Retrosexual opens doors for a lady. Even for the ones that fit that term only because they are female.
    A Retrosexual DEALS with. Be it a flat tire, a break-in at your home, or a natural disaster, you DEAL WITH IT!
    A Retrosexual not only eats red meat, he often kills it himself.
    A Retrosexual doesn't worry about living to be 90. It's not how long you live, but how well. If you're 90 years old and still smoking cigars and drinking, I salute you.
    A Retrosexual does not use more hair or skin products than a woman. Women have several supermarket aisles of stuff. Retrosexuals need an end cap (possibly 2 end caps if you include shaving goods).
    A Retrosexual does not dress in clothes from Hot Topic when he's 30 years old.
    A Retrosexual should know how to properly kill stuff (or people) if need to.
    This falls under the "dealing with" portion of The Code.
    A Retrosexual watches no TV show with "" in the title.
    A Retrosexual does not let neighbors screw up rooms in his house on national TV.
    A Retrosexual is allowed to seek professional help for major mental stress such as drug/alcohol addiction, death of your entire family in a freak tree chipper accident, favorite sports team being moved to a different city, etc. You are NOT allowed to see a shrink because Daddy didn't pay you enough attention. Daddy was busy DEALING WITH IT. When you screwed up, he DEALT with you.
    A Retrosexual will have at least one outfit in his wardrobe designed to conceal himself from prey.
    A Retrosexual knows how to tie a Windsor knot when wearing a tie.
    A Retrosexual should have at least one good wound he can brag about getting.
    A Retrosexual knows how to use a basic set of tools. If you can't hammer a nail or drill a straight hole, practice in secret until you can or be rightfully ridiculed for the wuss you are.
    A Retrosexual knows that owning a gun is not a sign that you're riddled with fear; guns are TOOLS and are often essential to DEAL WITH IT. Plus it's just damned fun to shoot.
    A Retrosexual may cry but for only limited reasons and none of them have to do with TV commercials, movies, or soap operas. Sports teams are sometimes a reason to cry, but the preferred method of release is swearing or throwing
    the remote control. Some reasons a retrosexual can cry include (but are not limited to) death of a loved one, death of a pet (fish and any rodent do NOT count as pets in this case), loss of a major body part.
    A Retrosexual man's favorite movie isn't "Maid in Manhattan" (unless that refers to some foxy French maid sitting in a huge tub of beer, Makers Mark or Glinfiddich), or "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood." Acceptable ones may include any of the Dirty Harry or Nameless Drifter movies (Clint in his better days), any John Wayne movie, the Dirty Dozen, The Godfather trilogy, Scarface, The Road Warrior, The Die Hard series, Caddyshack, Rocky I, II, or III, Full Metal Jacket, any James Bond Movie, Raging Bull, Bullitt, any Bruce Lee movie, Apocalypse Now any any movie starring Bogart.
    When a Retrosexual is on a crowded bus and or a commuter train, and a pregnant woman, hell, any woman gets on, that Retrosexual stands up and offers his seat to that woman, then looks around at the other so called
    men still in their seats with a disgusted "you punks" look on his face.
    A Retrosexual knows how to say the Pledge properly, and with the correct emphasis and pronunciation. He also knows the words to the Star Spangled Banner (at least one verse) and which side of his chest his heart is on so he can put his hand there. A Retrosexual always stands when the National Anthem is played, even if confined to a body cast.
    A Retrosexual will have hobbies and habits his wife and mother do not understand, but that are essential to his manliness e.g., hunting, fishing, boxing, shot putting, shooting, car tinkering, or building anything.
    A Retrosexual knows how to sharpen his own knives and kitchen utensils.
    A Retrosexual can drive in snow (hell, a blizzard), in Louisiana gumbo mud, or wet Mississippi red clay without sliding all over, getting stuck or driving under 20 mph.
    A Retrosexual can chop down a tree and make it land where he wants. Where ever it lands is where he wanted it to land.
    A Retrosexual will give up his seat on a bus to not only any women but any elderly person or person in military dress (except anyone of the grades 2ndLt or above). NOTE: The person in military dress may turn down the offer but the
    Retrosexual will ALWAYS make the offer to them and thank them for serving their country.
    A Retrosexual doesn't need a contract; a handshake is good enough. He will always stand by his word even if circumstances change or the other person deceived him.
    A Retrosexual doesn't immediately look to sue someone when he does something stupid and hurts himself. We understand that sometimes in the process of doing things we get hurt and we just DEAL WITH IT.

  2. Fishman

    Fishman Catch bait???

    Sounds like they are describing a normal person :D
  3. tpet96

    tpet96 Banned

    Folks, please do not use censored wording in your post. If the word is not allowable to the point that you have to censor it or use symbols as part of it, do not use the word. Thanks.

  4. captnroger

    captnroger OGF Webmaster

    Thread closed. Row V Wade, we don't appreciate this here, please refrain in the future.
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