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I'm taking care of my procrastination issues. Just you wait and see!

I re-labeled all the jars in my wife's spice rack. I'm not in trouble yet......but the thyme is cumin.

Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

Sign in front of a church: "Adultery is a sin. You can't have your Kate and Edith too."

Astronomers got tired of watching the moon go around the earth. So they decided to call it a day.

I think all politicians should serve two terms. One in office and one in prison.

Glass coffins....will they be popular? Remains to be seen.

My wife said I don't listen to her or something like that.

This is my step ladder, I never knew my real ladder.

The nurse said, "Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room who thinks he's invisible" The Doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him today".

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I want to grow my own food but I can't find bacon seeds.

I checked into the Hokey-Pokey clinic and I turned my self around.

"Frog parking only, others will be toad"

Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
 
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