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Something in the water?????

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Fastlane, Oct 11, 2004.

  1. Fastlane

    Fastlane Fishless as usual

    It seems that there has been an abundance of troubled relationships over the last few months. 3 people I worked with at my former job were on the verge of splitting up, my wife and I nearly got a divorce a month ago, and now a close friend of mine is losing his marriage as well. In all of these cases, it has been the wife's actions and initiative to end the marraige. I am not saying that myself or any of the husbands were perfect and had nothing to do with the situations but nothing to justify divorce either. My buddy is devistated and it looks like it may be too late to salvage his relationship. 2 of my 3 former co-workers are back on track now but the 3rd is still kinda shakey.Is there something in the water that is causing wives to second guess their family life?

    For me, it was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with (even worse than the many deaths I have endured of close friends and family) and I nearly gave up all sense of hope before my wife agreed to reconcile things. I left my job (whick I loved), gave up fishing, gave up the internet for the most part, got rid of 14 of my 18 aquariums, sold most of my material toys, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was throwing up constantly, in fact, I lost 40 pounds in 13 days! I have always believed that people often times give up way too easy on marriage and often times get divorced without just cause but I understand how painful love can be when you are facing losing the one you love and maybe it seems easier to walk away from the pain. I chose my wife for better or worse and til death do us part. I couldn't give up. I faced the pain and it cost me but the reward is far greater than the cost. In just a few weeks time, I discovered things about myself and my wife that I never knew and I have been with my wife for almost 18 years. I discovered some of the deeper evils and areas of concern.

    We made the decision to move to a new home, leave our jobs, segregate old ties, rededicate our time together and focus on what is really important. I am extremely glad that I made it through it because the bond I now share with my wife is stronger than it has ever been.

    Anyhow, I just thought I would post on here to let anyone know if they are having troubles and need an ear, PM me. I've been thruogh it and will be happy to offer advice or just listen.
  2. Capt.Muskey

    Capt.Muskey Ohio Fishing Militia

    Good Post Fastlane,
    I've been through it all myself and know how bad it sux. But it's not something in the water, It's todays relationships. Being told by their friends and co-workers that the grass is greener somewhere else. It's the way of society today, Do what ever makes you happy. I work with alot of married people, most of which have no problem cheating on their partners. It's sad but true. I'm glad to hear that you and your wife worked through it and are still together, Keep up the good work, it's worth it.

  3. Its Not In The Water But In Their Pants....not Making Fun Of Anyones Breakup..ive Had Some Myself.
  4. Fastlane

    Fastlane Fishless as usual

    But the interesting thing is that we guys tend to have the bad rap for sleeping around and cheating. In most of the relationships I have seen destroyed or nearly destroyed by extra marital affairs it has been the wife. My own situation, my late friend Bert who's story many of you have read about on my site, my current friend and his situation, my former co-workers, and the list goes on. I was fortunate enough to have a wife who was honest and open about her feelings and confusion and it enabled us to work through it.

    This is so true. It seems fewer and fewer people take the bond and responsibility of wedlock seriously. Like I said, I took my wife for better or worse. I also take the Bible serious even though my actions often times portray the contrary. It seems our society has become "disposable reliant" in everything. Everything is disposable today (except for our fishing stuff ;) ) and we as a whole tend to "throw away" things that are easily fixed. Our world seems to be going to Hades in a bucket. Too many people see a spouse as nothing more than a replaceable material possession that is easily replaced or substituted when something goes even slightly wrong. People actually encourage their friends to cheat if their significant other is not fulfilling a need that should be communicated with the partner rather than searching for fulfillment somewhere else. 30 years ago these affairs were dark kept secrets and looked down upon. Today they are almost glamorized and rewarded. It’s sickening. What will another 30 years bring? Will more commandments be turned into laws of the past? Think about it.

    Number 1: Thou Shalt Have No Other Gods Beside Me – It is safer and legal to practice Budism, Hinduism, even Satanism in public schools but not Christianity
    Number 2: Thou Shalt Not Worship Any Graven Images - People worship many things today; money, musicians, movie stars, cars, material possessions, etc.
    Number 3: Thou Shalt Not Take the Name of the Lord Thy God in Vain – An easy one to break.
    Number 4: Remember the Sabbath Day to Rest and Keep it Holy – Nearly everyone works on Sunday these days
    Number 5: Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother – Look at today’s youth as a whole. I know that they aren’t all bad but how many really respect and honor their parents?
    Number 6: Thou Shalt Not Kill – Well this is still frowned upon thank God. But in 30 years maybe not at the rate we are going.
    Number 7: Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery – Readily accepted in society today
    Number 8: Thou Shalt Not Steal – Again, more common than 30 years ago
    Number 9: Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness – Yet another one that is commonly abused. Gossip is commonplace
    Number 10: Thou Shalt Not Covet Anything That is Thy Neighbor's – The majority of people in America have to “keep up with the Jones’s”.

    I realize that I will be flamed for some of this but before you respond, think about where our great Nation is headed. More and more of what our parents and grand parents were afraid and ashamed of is becoming common practice in our day to day lives. I for one pray that things will get better but the outlook is grim at best.

    Thanks to all of you who have read this and thanks to you who have replied.


    I want to say thank you for posting it for some of us who needed to read it
  6. It's probably not the place to discuss it,but I totally agree with the other opinions.Infidelity is a huge problem,I myself had to force myself to divorce a woman I deeply loved because I found about her extra-marital affairs.Professional people will attribute this to many reasons,but to me,it's all BS.Cheating on somebody whether it's the man or the woman is totally unforgivable,there is NO reason to do it.It does hurt to lose someone that you care deeply for,but it's better to leave the problem then it is to allow it to get out of hand all together.If a woman or a man cheats just once,believing that it won't happen again somewhere down the road,is just naive.If that sort of behavior is in someone,working things out will only be temporary.Last point,whatever caused two people to break up the first time,is still going to be there no matter how many times you go back together.The only sure way to make things work is to know each other well,both be in love with each other,and be totally commited to each other well before you even get married-and be able to communicate!


    iam sorry that men subject themselves to this BS! iam sure
    you are all old enough to know by now that women can NOT
    be trusted!theres no point in forming a relationship let alone
    getting married to something you cant trust.theres no such
    thing as love,never was or will need to learn that they
    dont have to be a john,a slave to some broad.they can have
    many differnt women at ONCE!!!this spouse BS gets old on both saddens me when i hear how men conform to women,
    change their lifestyles,give up things they love that were there
    before her A$$! forget that! their all built with the same parts,
    and can be replaced with ease! loosen the leashes and kick these
    nickle bags to the street!you deserve better than that,know what iam
  8. toad

    toad geriatrics supporter

    Holy cow PAYARA what woman stepped on your thing?? :eek: I ought to introduce you to my man hateing mother in-law. I been married for 30 years and would do it all over again. It sure is nice to have someone to share lifes ups & downs with. :)
  9. Payara
    Don't you think that you're going a "bit" over the edge? Hopefully,you don't really feel that way,maybe you're just trying to illicit a response from some of the women on this site.I know quite a few married women,including my three daughters,who are very loving and faithful.I don't have any statistics to back me up,but I'm sure that there's many men who are unfaithful also.All I'm saying is,if someone in a relationship is caught cheating(regardless of who it is),the relationship should end right there.I can't believe somebody would give someone else a second chance,that's ridiculous,and if you do forgive someone for it,then you deserve the pain when it happens again-and it will!
  10. Ruminator

    Ruminator TeamOGF

    ...doesn't it seem to you that you are sitting on the same branch as Payara, only he is further out on it than you? Wouldn't saying that nothing in life is guaranteed including fidelity, is a more accurate assessment than that noone can be truly repentant for their sin against a spouse and would refuse to give in to that again? It has to come down to individual cases and true remorse or not. Even at that I am not saying that all such situations can, or should be salvaged, just that you can't haphazardly make such a blanket judgment OF ALL people, FOR ALL people. Its an illogical conclusion to arrive at, given human nature's way of adapting for our own best self interests.
  11. misfit

    misfit MOD SQUAD

    payara,you gotta be kidding,'re what,20 years old?and you're not only an expert on carp,but also an expert on women,marriage and life in general?i wish i'd known all that you seem to know,at your age.sure would have made the following 38 years a lot simpler ;)

    river walker,you seem to be a little niave yourself.infidelity once,does not always mean it will be a life long habit.there are many reasons for it.true,there are some people who,for whatever reason,will repeat their transgressions(it's their nature).there are also those who,though it may be wrong,are lacking something in a relationship,and make a "mistake" that they truely are repentant for.many of those people,given the chance,and having the right partner,can be faithful for the rest of their lives.
    life is tough,with so many obstacles placed in our way,it's hard for anyone but a true saint,to not stray in some way,be it infidelity or something else.
    it seems we sometimes get so wrapped up in ourselves,our work,or other things,that we don't have a clue that there is a problem until it's too's how we aknowledge and "fix" those problems that matters.

    i've had my share of ups and downs and failed marriages/relationships over the years,some(not all) of which involved infidelity on both sides.hell,i could write a book about the subject :eek:
    seems fastlane might have found a solution to his.he looked at his life,and discovered that it wasn't just a simple case of infidelity,but many things that were having an adverse effect on the relationship,causing it to erode without him even realizing the underlying factors.he/they made drastic changes in hopes to remedy the situation,and sometimes that's what it takes.i hope all goes well for them.

    some things i've have learned through the years are,don't expect too much, and you won't be disappointed.don't take a partner for honest,respectful and understanding to one another.accept each other for the persons each of you prepared to make sacrifices,but don't demand sacrifices.if i'd practiced years ago,what i've just preached,i'd have just celebrated 37 years with my first wife.but like everyone,i'm not perfect.but i've never given up and 6 years ago found someone to share the remainder of my life with,who practices all those things i mentioned,and receives the same from me :)
  12. Fastlane

    Fastlane Fishless as usual

    Very well said Misfit. I never intended for this to become a woman bashing post. I am not blaming my wife alone for what she has happened (which sounds much worse than what actually transpired) but it was a multitude of things from her past, things I had done, things I wasn't doing, lack of communication, but more importantly, society's acceptance and encouragement for such behavior. I have heard both men and women brag amongst their peers about being with a person who was spoken for. This always seems to get a welcomed response from the group.

    I have absolutely no respect for any man or woman who preys on people when they are weak. By this, I am saying that most if not all marriages have their weak points and not 100% of both party's needs are being met. It is quite simple for someone to learn where the needs are lacking and build on that to get what they want. This is truly cowardly and gutless of that person. In my opinion, when someone does that it is only because they are too insecure to build a relationship from the ground up. If they only have to focus on a few of the other persons needs and do things to fulfill those areas of concern, they don't have to worry about the rest to get a positive response from the other party. It is no different than taking in a starving stray animal. If you feed it regularly and treat it with care, eventually it will come to trust you. The instincts are still there to shy away from you but it will eventually allow the instincts to fade away. I myself have had many opportunities with married women but have passed because I did not want to walk on sacred ground. Even when I was only 17 years old, I had a chance with a beautiful 19 year old who was married and I passed. Even with all the raging hormones of a teenage boy, I knew better.

    I do not agree with the points made about infidelity being unforgivable. People make mistakes. While it may be an act deserving of divorce, often times it sheds light on the root of the real problem(s).
    I was fortunate enough to have a wife who openly and honestly told me about her feelings before they got out of hand. My wife and I have never shared a very good line of communication. Throughout the entire ordeal, she hid nothing from me. She subconsciously knew that she did not really want anyone else besides me (God only knows why :rolleyes: ) but she had areas of need that I was not giving her. As painful as it was to hear it from her what was happening, it was even more painful to discover the areas I was at fault and the things I was not giving her. And just as Misfit stated, I was totally unaware of these lacking's.

    Are you serious? Being in a relationship is about compromise. Life in general is about compromise. It is no different than when you go to work everyday. You are expected to perform certain duties. Do them well and you are rewarded, often times with promotions or raises. In a relationship you are to provide certain basic needs and with each marriage, the needs may differ. You have the responsibility to discover them. Your spouse has the responsibility to do the same. It is not about conforming to women. But in any relationship, be it love, work, friendship, whatever, you change your lifestyle just by participating. You have a lot to learn about life. With your attitude as it is right now, I pity any woman who feels an attraction to you. I thank God my teenage daughter has a boyfriend who is far more considerate and respectful than you are toward the opposite sex. You also need to be careful throwing generic terms around such as "nickle bags". I certainly hope you are intelligent enough to not be referring to my wife.
  13. PAYARA


    Fast-dont get it twisted,no reference to your wife directly.
    this is my statement was to men in general.

    iam sorry if anyone was offended by my post,but this
    is how i really feel about this subject.i didnt aquire these views
    and feelings in my own expeirence,becuase i cant subject myself
    to this lifesyle.but i seen what my own parents and other adults
    over the years have whent through with their problems.i have seen
    alot of the BS thats in relationships upfront.i know what your think-
    ing,that iam all messed up cause my mom and dad split,no thats not
    it,that happened before i was 3, but the BS each has went through
    with relationships since they split i could write for days mom
    was one of these cold hearted broads,iam not asshamed to say it either,
    she demenstrated to me first hand how women can be,she has ran more
    men into the ground and played them like fools than i care to say!the
    whole time iam taking notes!

    my dad just 2 yrs ago tossed his dame of 15yrs out,she was caught
    in some lies,and he finally took action.they were not married (which
    is good) or he could of had a real mess on his hands,and so could you
    if your not carefull.since my dad broke free and saw the light that i and friends of his with the same views were shinning in his eyes,he has been much happier.lives by himself and has several lady friends that he sees
    when he wants.theres no attachments,they are all free to see other
    people while they see each other,theres no BS involved.he has vowed
    NEVER again will he live with a woman,its just not worth it even if theres some ''love''.i decided long ago that i will NEVER get married,live with a women,have kids(well not sure about this one),or alter my life for a female
    in anyway.theres just so much BS that has lead me to these views on
    this subject of women and relationships,you dont know the half of it.

    once again,if i have offended anyone,iam sorry.its not really my goal
    to piss people off,as much as some like to think.i just have rash views
    that others find abit off color.
  14. This thread has the possibilty of heading South in a hurry. I'm not going to pull it, I'll leave that up to our "member sevices director" to decide. When you share such personal opinions, expect there will be some that don't agree with you. It is VERY tough not to take it personally when others disagree with you, especially on things so personal as relationships and break-ups.

    All I would say that if you want to share these opinions, don't expect everyone to agree and I would say to those that don't agree, please don't turn it into a personal thing. You've all been pretty civil here, keep it up. Just be careful and thoughtful of what you reply to here. That's all I'll ask.
  15. crappielooker

    crappielooker The Corn Chucker

    fastlane... all i can say is that i'm glad you 2 are working things out.. she's definitely a keeper thats for sure..:) you guys are 2 of the great people i know..
  16. misfit

    misfit MOD SQUAD

    well,i gotta agree with that statement ;)
    hopefully,as you age and mature,it will take the edge off,and your tunnel vision will not stay with you forever.

    now that you said the N word,be very careful.
    NEVER say NEVER,because most people (including myself) have had to eat that word at some time.
    now that you brought it up,i do think your parents' divorce has contributed to your views.
    i don't make a habit of discussing my private life on the internet,but i'll reveal a little here.most kids do get messed up(your words) by own kids did,and it took several years(beyond the age of 20) to get past most of it.they are all in their 30's and there are still issues,but they've come to recognize and understand things they didn't years ago,and they're doing great.all happily married with their own kids :)
    my stepson was 2 when my wife divorced his father,and still deals with issues related to it.mine is only one story out of millions of similar ones.
    what is my point,you ask?
    well, whether people know or want to admit there are issues that affect their lives,there are.and they do have an effect on their lives through the years.
    as was stated before,many times people are not even aware that problems that exist.
    do yourself a favor,and give life a chance.don't base the rest of your life on what little you've seen to this point.yes,i said "little",because b the time you're in your 50's or 60's,you'll have seen alot more,and hopefully some of your views wil have changed.especially about women.there are indeed,bad ones,the same as there are bad men,but women in general,are to be treated with the utmost respect that they deserve.

    fastlane,sorry for getting a little off-track,but after reading payara's last post,i had trouble keeping my fingers ff the keyboard :rolleyes:
  17. Fastlane

    Fastlane Fishless as usual

    Thanks Ak. She is a great woman. I am confident that anyone on here who has met her would agree with that. Her positive qualities far outweigh any negative ones.

    PAYARA, I am sorry that you have experienced so much negativity in relationships. I predict that someday you will meet someone who will change your views however. I appologize for any condencending remarks directed to you. I don't intend to offend anyone either.
  18. I would like to nominate this thread for the "Highest number of really long posts in a thread" award.

    That is all I have to add... except:

    Boys rule and girls drool!
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2015

    MLAROSA Loving Life

    Odd topic..

    Actually my girlfriend (of 2 years) and I split up 3 weeks ago.

    It's tough. Just thinking about the plans we had made. I actually had purchased a ring to give her, we chatted about marriage, and decided fall of 2005 was a good time. All was set. Then 3 weeks ago, it all come crashing down.
  20. catking

    catking Banned

    Glad to see this thread pulled through :D Hey, I've found that alot of women marry at too young of an age. They always say men should get their running around out of their system before they commit. I believe women should do the same, but they usually do not. Just an observation. Good for you two fastlane. I've met the both of you and you both are GREAT people. It's great to hear sometimes things do work out....... CATKING