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rotten day

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by bubbahunter, Aug 17, 2004.

  1. As many of you know that my wife and i were going to adopt a baby boy this week. well as it turns out she has been lieing to us for the last month,she changed her mind and didn`t have to guts to tell us.we have talked to her everyday for the last 2 weeks telling her how the remodel on the babies room was going and she telling us how much she looking forward to us adopting her baby.up till monday sunday night she was telling us that they were going to induce labor this week and that she had signed all the paper work at the hospital and we would be bringing him home this week.

    now this isn`t some stranger we were dealing with it was my wifes cousin. tell me how family can be this evil? she changed her mind a month ago and still let us spend several thousand dollars on this remodel. it was nothing more to her then a joke.why is it that some people can go thru life doing dirty rotten things like this and it seems that they never pay for their deeds?all she had to do was tell us that she changed her mind, yes it would have hurt but nothing like wife is absolutly crushed over this.we can`t have children and this was our one shot at having a child of our own,but no we just get toyed with like it was a big joke.

    the guys that know me know that i dont do anything to anyone and that i try to be the best person i can but some times i think i should be the dirty rotten back stabing low life piece of crud that gets away with hurting people and tuning their lives upside down.

    thanks for letting me vent alittle lord knows there is alot more that i want to say but out of respect for this site i`ll just let it go with this rant.

  2. Reel Lady

    Reel Lady Dreams DO come true!

    Gosh, how disappointed you and your wife must be. Although nothing that I could say could take away your disappointment, I'm hoping that maybe I could help you to understand why your wifes cousin did what she did, and ease the anger that you are feeling because you felt you were "toyed with" and that you feel that she was "incredibly selfish" in her acts.
    Let me preface this by saying that I myself am an adoptee. I was adopted into a wonderful family when I was 4 months old. I ended up meeting my birth-parents when I was 21 years old. This gave me the unique opportunity to get inside their heads to try to understand what it was like to make a decision as monumental as giving your child up for adoption. Being that I am a parent myself, I simply could not fathom the idea of carrying a child for 9 months, just to place it in someone elses arms to be cared for.
    Try to take a step back from the situation (I know this is very hard to do), and try.. just try to understand how HUGE of a decision this is for this young woman. She is not waivering in her decision to purposfully to hurt you, toy with you, deny you, or anything like that... Right now, this is all about her, and HER baby... and what is the right thing to do. It has nothing to do with you and your wife at all. This is what you have to keep in mind when you are feeling angry or resentfull.
    I'm sure you were aware that there was a chance that she could change her mind at any time during this time. I'm also probably pretty sure that you really didnt spend much time thinking about this possibility, as you were too excited at the prospect of adopting this child.
    So, I guess to wrap things up...I think that what this woman is going through.. this emotional turmoil should totally be expected when it comes to making a decision that will not only affect the rest of her life, but also affect her babies. Please try to understand the pain that SHE is going through, and the loss that SHE has to mourne, and then have to find the emotional strength to get on with her life.
    Don't burn your bridges, as I feel there is still a chance that she may flip flop again, and then possibly again. Let her flip flop. It should be expected given the magnitude of her decision. I believe that whatever is the final decision, it will be the right one.
    So, hang in there...Try to let go of your angry feelings, and try to have some compassion for what she is going through.
    My thoughts are with you....


  3. Hook N Book

    Hook N Book The Original Hot Rod Staff Member

    I can only empathize with what you're going through with this situation. Reel lady summed it up perfectly, this young lady obviously had no idea what it actually meant to give up her child and certainly did not have the courage to inform you and your wife simply because she didn't know how to. So don't hold any malice towards her in the long term but offer her this...let her know if she decides to go through with the adoption you're still willing to adopt the child. Also, there will be other opportunies to adopt new borns. Hang in there and be strong, the lord works in mysterious ways.
  4. catking

    catking Banned

    I do know the the type of people you and your wife are. I really am saddened by this. What a shame...........
  5. crankus_maximus

    crankus_maximus Crankus Baitus Maximus

    Sorry Bubbahunter. I hope this incident does not color a bad picture for future possibilities. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife and the young lady who did not follow through - for whatever reason.
  6. Man i dont know what to say no words can ease the pain that u and your wife must feel.

    If there are people in this world that these things dont need to happen too it people like you.

    Bub you and your wife will always be 2 of the greatest people my family has ever meet. Keep smiling jerry
  7. this means alot to us both.

    i should get to more of the point of this. you see this was all a trick to get the guy she was pegnant by back. she never intended on putting this baby up for adoption, it was a sick joke on her part,not only did she lead us on but she encourged it. she would call to see what the progress was on the remodel and tell my wife(Tawnnie) that she was so happy to giving this baby to us.this one was her third child which she has no job to support any of them. she is on the welfare system with no intention on getting off it. trust me when i say this She is the most black hearted thing walking the face of this earth.last thursday she cused her mother(Tawnnie`s Aunt)out for not paying her cell phone bill($398)and this girl is 28 yrs old.all she wants is what ever fits her needs and it doesn`t matter what she has to do or who she has to hurt to get it. i cant type enough to tell you the truley rotten things that has been told to us by different family members in the last couple days.apperntly we aren`t the first ones.

  8. Ruminator

    Ruminator TeamOGF

    I am truly sorry for this deep kind of pain that you have no choice but to go thru. I understand how you must be feeling toward her right now. Deceipt and treachery from among your family makes the deepest kind of wound of all.
    I would focus my thoughts and energies on my wife right now, and try to help her the best you can. That's really the best you can do at this point.
    Hopefully Tawnnie's cousin, who is immature and selfish will grow up soon before causing more brokenness and pain.

    - Jim
  9. crappielooker

    crappielooker The Corn Chucker and tawnie are too nice of people for this to happens words from me will help neither..i'll just say the same thing jerry said...
    Keep SMILING!!! guys are great people.. :)
    your friend..
    Ak..aka lil'akfish..
  10. hardwaterfan

    hardwaterfan Twinsburg, OH (NE OH, northern edge of Summit Co.)

    I am very sorry to hear about this. My sympathies. You and your wife will get through it together, and baby will come later somehow!
  11. H2O Mellon

    H2O Mellon Hangin' With My Gnomies


    Man, Jenny & I have been talking, wish there was something we could do. I'm trying to call you.
  12. bill_gfish

    bill_gfish Well, Gee Whiz!

    man Rob,that ain't right! I am truely saddened by this. And humbled as well, as I have said many times why did God give me twins? As many times as I have complained I am ashamed of myself. You are good people and these things shouldn't happen to good folks. I will pray that god gives you and Tawnnie a child.

  13. Well guys all the kind words have really hit home. it`s nice to get support from everyone.i told one of the members one time this summer that this group of guys aren`t just friends they are like brothers. i have always thought this and the support we have gotten thru this mess has just made it so.From the bottom of our hearts we both thank you.

    Bub & tawnnie
  14. mrfishohio

    mrfishohio Recovering Fishaholic

    Don't know what God's plan is, but He knows. It's not for us to know. Sometimes it's revealed to us, sometimes not, but for me I have to remember it's not about me or my plans, it's in His hands. :)
  15. Hang in there guys. We're all praying for you. I would also suggest a prayer for your cousin. She has big issues, from what you've said, and even though it may not seem like it right now, it is TRUE that you reap what you sow.

    I truly hope that somehow, it works out for you guys.
  16. man bub im speech less (and we both know that doesn't happen often)
    my prayers are with you and your wife...and like jim said god has a plan
  17. BIGG MAN


    my prayers are with you and your wife
  18. I feel for you and your wife for what you are going through. Although I have been blessed with the ability to have kids of my own I have a couple of relative/friend couples who went through the adoption process. I do know that it is very tough and nerve racking. They put families through so much just because they want to offer an unwanted child a loving home. And to mention that the adoption costs themselves make it difficult for some families to afford as I am sure you know.

    As MFO wrote, God has a plan and we may not know what it is. Perhaps there is a reason that God did not want this to happen. If the adoption had gone through, by the sounds of the problems that this young lady is causing you may have not heard the end of it after the adoption. She may have made your life miserable in some way. Perhaps another opportunity will arise for you that will work out much better.

    Be sure to be there for each in these times and keep hope that your prayers will be answered.
  19. Sorry to hear about this. Her cousin sounds just like one of my sisters. She thinks everyone owes her something. I'm sure adopting a family members child would have made you very happy but have you thought about getting in touch with your local children's service agent and see what they can do for you? I am doing volunteering with CS and it is great just to spend time with these kids that have no support at home. P.M. me and I can give you a name of a woman here in Franklin County that could get you some info for your county or maybe even help you adopt a kid. Good luck and God bless you for trying to help her cousin. Just remember God knows what will happen tomorrow before today ends so keep faith in him and he will make things better.

  20. things are starting to lighten up a bit . i know i`ve said it several times but i`ll say it again...Thank you again for the suport and kind words. this is truley a great site with truley great people.makes me proud to be just a small part of it.