These 16 Police Comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through.' 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you do know someone who can post your bail?' 'No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can.' 'So how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?' 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.' 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.' 'Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.' 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?' 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket.' 'Yes sir, you can ta lk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention? I'm the shift supervisor' 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?' 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you.' 'If you run.... you'll only go to jail tired.' 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document.' 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while.' AND THE WINNER IS.... 'You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here.'