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Old geezers

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by DaleM, Apr 10, 2004.

  1. DaleM

    DaleM Original OGF Staff Member

    I'm sure some of you saw this before but it's still very true.

    "Geezers" (slang for an old man) are easy to spot:

    At sporting events, during the playing of the National Anthem, Old Geezers
    hold their caps over their hearts and sing without embarrassment. They know the
    words and believe in them. Old Geezers remember World War I, the Depression,
    War II, Pearl Harbor, Guadalcanal, Normandy and Hitler. They remember the
    Atomic Age, the Korean War, The Cold War, the Jet Age and the Moon Landing, not
    to mention Vietnam.

    If you bump into an Old Geezer on the sidewalk, he will apologize. If you
    pass an Old Geezer on the street, he will nod or tip his cap to a lady. Old
    Geezers trust strangers and are courtly to women. Old Geezers hold the door for the
    next person and always, when walking, make certain the lady is on the inside
    for protection.

    Old Geezers get embarrassed if someone curses in front of women and children
    and they don't like any filth on TV or in movies. Old Geezers have moral
    courage. They seldom brag unless it's about their grandchildren.
    It's the Old Geezers who know our great country is protected, not by
    politicians or police, but by the young men and women in the military serving their

    This country needs Old Geezers with their decent
    values. We need them now more than ever.
    Thank God for Old Geezers!
  2. Fish2day

    Fish2day member

    If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those
    responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City
    and Washington, DC.

    But, I'm over 50 now and the Armed Forces say I'm too old to track down
    terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to join the military. They've
    got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to
    fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join
    until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds
    think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a
    couple of times a day, leaving us more that 28,000 additional seconds
    per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long
    enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.

    If we can't kill the enemy we'll complain them into submission. "My back
    hurts!" "I'm hungry!" "Where's the remote control?" An 18-year-old
    hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war until you're at
    least old enough to legally drink. An average old guy, on the other
    hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the time he's 35 and a
    jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and M-60 would do wonders
    for the old beer belly. An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10
    a.m. Old guys get up early (to pee).

    If old guys are captured, we couldn't spill the beans because we'd
    probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial
    number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would actually be easier
    for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we
    actually like soft food. We've also developed a deep appreciation for
    guns and rifles. We like them almost better than naps. They could
    lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and
    didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor
    did I ever do any pushups after training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant
    now, "Get down and give" And the running part is kind of
    a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

    An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to
    shave, to actually carry on a conversation, to wear pants without the
    top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out, to
    learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles, and that a 200-watt
    speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an eardrum. All
    great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a little more about
    life before sending them off to a possible death. Let us old guys track
    down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked our hearts on September 11.
    The last thing the enemy would want to see right now is a couple of
    million old farts with attitudes.

  3. old geesers also take off their hat when inside a building, its only polite.