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No jokes in days. Vert depressing,,,

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by catlover, Jan 26, 2005.

  1. catlover

    catlover Banned

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    I stole these off an ice fishing site. So all are fishing related( and probably been up before-I said they were stolen ). Lol. Here goes..

    A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north. The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read. One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap. The wife decided to take the boat out.
    She was not familiar with the lake so she rowed out, anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the sheriff in his boat, pulls up alongside and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"
    "Reading my book," she replies as she thinks to herself, "Is this guy blind or what?"
    "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
    "But, Officer, I'm not fishing. Can't you see that?"
    "But you have all this equipment, Ma'am. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
    "If you do that, I will charge you with rape," snaps the irate woman.
    "I didn't even touch you," growls the sheriff.
    "Yes, that's true ... but you have all the equipment ..."
    Moral: Never argue with a woman who knows how to read!

    A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
    Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!!"
    Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino and began to cut another hole in the ice.
    Again from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!!"
    The blonde, now quite worried, moved down to the opposite end of the ice, set up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole in the ice.
    The voice came once more, "FOR THE LAST TIME, THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!!"
    She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Is that you, Lord?"
    The voice replied, "NO you idiot!...this is the Ice-Rink Manager."
    Alternative Ending Supplied By Nige
    thats when all of the carp boys in their bivvies around the rink started laughing at her.(Whats that mean carpers. Catz)

    A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
    He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.
    A week later he returns.
    His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear?"
    He says: " Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
    His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"


    A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They make love for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...
    (She is speaking in a cheery voice)
    "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."
    She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
    "Oh" she replies, "That was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."


    A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along.
    "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"
    "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.
    The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait!"


    TOP 10 REASONS FISHING IS BETTER THAN SEX....
    10. LASTS FROM DAWN TILL DUSK
    9. YOU HAVE YOUR OWN SECRET HOLE
    8. ALLOWED SEVERAL FISH DAILY
    7. CAN CHOOSE THE LENGTH OF YOUR ROD
    6. CAN FISH ANY TIME OF THE MONTH
    5. YOU CLEAN IT BEFORE YOU EAT IT
    4. ABLE TO TAKE A NAP WHILE YOU FISH
    3. THE COST OF BAIT IS CHEAPER THAN A DATE
    2. YOU CAN ALWAYS THROW IT BACK
    1. YOUR FAVORITE CATCH CAN BE MOUNTED ON THE WALL

    Have a nice day-
    Catz
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2015
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