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In honor of Kellen Winslow II

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by Row v. Wade, May 3, 2005.

  1. WHERE'S MY SIGN BY ANDY ROONEY

    Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."

    It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?"
    "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

    A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
    "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up.. Here's your sign."

    I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you."
    "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

    Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist.
    I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

    We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!"
    See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

    I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning ... okay....no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?"
    I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

    I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?"
    I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

    Anybody you know need a sign today? Send this to all your friends. The next time someone says something stupid, ask them where their sign is.

    Kellen Winslow II, you might have just thrown away a 40 million dollar 6 year contract cuz you wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle, here's your sign.
     
  2. Procraftboats21

    Procraftboats21 Original OGF Member

    The fine words of Bill Engvald...
     

  3. "The Chosen One" has chosen stupidity!
     
  4. He Should Ask For A Brain Transplant While He Is In The Cleveland Clinic///
     
  5. steelmagoo

    steelmagoo Enjigneer

    His injuries are not life threatening, but fan reaction might be.
     
  6. Hetfieldinn

    Hetfieldinn Staff Member

    I drove through a Wendy's drive through last summer. I ordered my usual #1 and had it biggie sized. Then I hear the lady through the little speaker say "you want that to go?"

    I thought for a second and then replied "no, you idiot, I'm gonna sit at the window and eat it"

    I pictured her wiping a booger on my burger, so I pulled away and went elsewhere.
     
  7. Where can I order about 1,000 of those signs? :D
     
  8. zipperneck52

    zipperneck52 fished with Noah

    271
    0
    821
    I hear Kevin wanted a motorized wheelchair..... Dad said NO!!! :)
     
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