Dogs vs. Cats

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by SwollenGoat, Jan 27, 2009.

  1. SwollenGoat

    SwollenGoat Scourge of Hoover

    Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

    12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

    1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

    3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

    5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

    7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

    8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

    11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!




    Excerpts from a Cat's Diary.

    Day 983 of my captivity...

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
    They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are
    fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for
    the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in
    order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going
    is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again
    vomit on the carpet.

    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
    feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
    clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
    condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.
    Bastards.

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
    placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
    However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that
    my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn
    what this means and how to use it to my advantage..

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
    tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
    this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and
    snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly
    released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is
    obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him
    communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports
    my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him
    in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now. . .
     
  2. Thats why I cant stand them sneaky walking sneeze factories known as cats!
    I'm pretty sure you lifted that diary page from my daughters, I know that bugger is out to get me!
     

  3. captnroger

    captnroger OGF Webmaster

  4. gotta love it!!!! I love cats though..they taste just like chicken :)
     
  5. OhioHuntr02

    OhioHuntr02 OSU Fisherman

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    that was pretty good
     
  6. sady dog

    sady dog sady dog

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    I am telling you I am about to pee myself...that dam squirrel is just freakin hillarious.....oh ya i hate cats too, and thats how they more or less speak...

    CATS...NATURES LITTLE SPEED BUMPS..............

    I love to poach them from my backyard with a bb gun.....(pittsburgh poacher will strike again)
     
  7. Seaturd

    Seaturd Catcher of Fish

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    i'd like to see someone try to install the kitty carrier on that lost cat....
     

  8. Lord I apologise for my distastful manors and general dislike of the feline variety. I just don't know any better and cabin feaver has made me loose my mind.