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Dear Technical Support,

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by captnroger, Apr 21, 2004.

  1. captnroger

    captnroger OGF Webmaster

    Dear Technical Support,

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed herself into all other programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boy's Night 2.5, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5 and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the 'Uninstall' doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please can you help?

    Signed, A Troubled User

    Dear Troubled User,

    This is a very common problem that men complain about and is due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a "Utilities and Entertainment" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to Girlfriend 7.0 as hidden operating files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.

    It is also impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the original system.

    Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings: Maintenance/Child Support". I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application program "Yes_Dear" to alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest you read the entire section regarding "General Partnership Faults (GPF)".

    You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF's tend to be somewhat cyclical, occurring approximately 28 days apart. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\yes_dear because ultimately you will have to use the "apologize" command before the system will return to normal anyway. Remember, the system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the GPF's. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but tends to require very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs such as Clean_and_Sweep 3.0, Cook_It 1.5 (which replaces Burn_It 1.0) and Do-Bills 4.2. You must however be very careful how to use these programs, as improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag_Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.

    WARNING!! *DO NOT* under any circumstances, install Secretary_With_Short_Skirt. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of luck,

    Technical Support.