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Corporate Lessons

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by Row v. Wade, Jan 11, 2005.

  1. Corporate Lesson # 1 ---
    A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
    finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
    After a few seconds of arguing over which one should
    go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly
    wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
    When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next
    door neighbor.
    Before she could say a word, Bob says,
    "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you have on."
    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
    towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few
    seconds, Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.
    Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman
    wraps towel and runs back upstairs. When she gets back
    to the bathroom, her husband asks
    from the shower, "Who was that?"
    "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
    "Great!" the husband says,
    "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
    Moral of the story:
    If you share critical information pertaining to credit
    and risk with your shareholders, in time, you may be
    in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

    --- Corporate Lesson # 2 ---
    A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the
    manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique
    oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of
    smoke. The Genie says,
    "I usually only grant three wishes,
    so I'll give each of you just one."
    "Me first! Me first!"
    says the admin clerk.
    "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat,
    without a care in the world."
    Poof! She's gone.
    In astonishment, "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep.
    "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my
    personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas,
    and the love of my life."
    Poof! He's gone.
    "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
    The manager says,
    "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
    Moral of the story:
    Always let your boss have the first say.

    --- Corporate Lesson # 3 ---
    A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all
    day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him,
    "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?"
    The crow answered: "Sure, why not?"
    So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and
    rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on
    the rabbit and ate it.
    Moral of the story:
    To be sitting and doing nothing, you
    must be sitting very, very high up.

    --- Corporate Lesson # 4 ---
    A turkey was chatting with a bull.
    "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,"
    sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy"
    "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
    replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
    The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it
    actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
    branch of the tree.
    The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
    the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there
    he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon
    he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey
    out of the tree.
    Moral of the story:
    BS might get you to the top,
    but it won't keep you there.

    --- Corporate Lesson # 5 ---
    In Africa , every morning a gazelle awakens knowing that
    it must outrun the fastest lion if it wants to stay alive.
    Every morning, a lion wakes up knowing it must run faster
    than the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death.
    Moral of the story:
    It makes no difference if you are a gazelle or a lion:
    When the sun comes up, you had better be hauling...um....butt.
     
  2. Fastlane

    Fastlane Fishless as usual

    392
    0
    721
    Those are too true!!!!
     

  3. Phil Carver

    Phil Carver Team Bass Xtreme

    Forgot the most important one ! :D

    Corporate Lessons #6

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road.
    He stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
    crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The
    priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

    After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her
    leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm
    129?"

    The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced
    himself to remove his hand. Changing gear, he let his hand slide up her
    leg again.

    The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

    Once again the priest apologized, "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh
    is weak."

    Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meanful
    glance and went on her way.

    Upon his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
    bible and looked up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up,
    you will find glory." Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you
    might miss a great opportunity!
     
  4. catlover

    catlover Banned

    197
    0
    0
    #7. A banker thinks his six year old needs to start learning the world of finance. He told his son that this summer there would be no allowance, he would have to make do on what earned by himself.

    Next day he found his son had chained the family dog in the front yard. Next to the dog was a sign saying,"Guard dog $28,000". The banker shook his head and went in for dinner.
    Returning home the next day, he found the dog and sign gone. He asked his son if he actually sold the dog for $28,000. The son smiled and replied, "Better than that I traded it for 2 $15,000 cats".

    Catz
     
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