Church Bulletin Bloopers

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by 1st shirt, Mar 11, 2008.

  1. The Scouts are saving aluminum cans,
    bottles and other items to be recycled.
    Proceeds will be used to cripple children.


    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday
    morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
    Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.


    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of
    the congregation would lend him their electric girdles
    for the pancake breakfast next Sabbath.


    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet
    Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.


    The pastor will preach his farewell message,
    after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."


    A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.


    Remember in prayer the many who are
    sick of our church and community.
    ***

    The eighth-graders will be presenting
    Shakespeare's Hamlet in the*
    Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
    The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.


    Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social.
    All ladies giving milk will please come early.
    **

    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM
    at the First Presbyterian Church.
    Please use large double door at the side entrance.


    Please join us as we show our support
    for Amy and Alan who are preparing for
    the girth of their first child.


    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's
    new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
    "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
    ***

    Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."


    Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.


    Eight new choir robes are currently needed,
    due to the addition of several new members and
    to the deterioration of some older ones.


    The senior choir invites any member of the
    congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.


    The cost for attending the
    Fasting and Prayer Conference
    includes meals.


    Miss Mason sang*
    "I Will Not Pass This Way Again"*
    giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.


    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
    It's a chance to get rid of those things
    not worth keeping around the house.
    Don't forget your husbands.
    **

    The peacemaking meeting planned for today
    has been cancelled due to a conflict.


    The sermon this morning
    "Jesus Walks On Water."
    The sermon tonight
    "Searching For Jesus."
    ***
    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
    They need all the help they can get.


    Barbara remains in the hospital and
    needs blood for more transfusions.
    She is also having trouble sleeping and*
    requested tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
    **
    This evening there will be a hymn sing at the park.
    Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.