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Capital PUN-ishment

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by Worm Drowner, May 18, 2004.

  1. Worm Drowner

    Worm Drowner Banned

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra

    A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "It's Not Unusual."

    Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," said Dolly.
    "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

    An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
    "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
    "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
    "No, because he's really heavy."

    Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mom or my dad, or maybe my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I'm pretty sure it's Colin.

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

    I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

    A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

    I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

    Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
  2. Lewis


    Some great ones Worm! :D

  3. Here's a couple....

    What did the Zen Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor???

    "Make me one with everything"

    Why do cows wear bells?

    Because their horns don't work.

    Those are about the only clean jokes I know.