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A Redneck Valentine

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by Row v. Wade, Feb 14, 2005.

  1. Kudzu is green,
    my dog's name is Blue
    And I'm so lucky
    to have a sweet thang like you.
    Yore hair is like cornsilk
    a-flapping in the breeze.
    Softer than Blue's
    And without all them fleas.
    You move like the bass,
    Which excite me in May.
    You ain't got no scales
    But I luv you anyway.
    You're as graceful as okry
    Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
    Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop
    Right out of the can.
    You have all yore teeth,
    For which I am proud;
    I hold my head high
    When we're in a crowd.
    On special occasions,
    When you shave yore armpits,
    Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
    I'm plumb outta my wits.
    Still them fellers at work
    They all want to know,
    What I did to deserve
    Such a purty, young doe.
    Like a good roll of duct tape
    Yo're there fer yore man,
    To patch up life's troubles
    And stick 'em in the can.
    Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler
    Racin' through the mud,
    Yet fragile as that sanger
    Named Naomi Judd.
    Yo're as cute as a junebug
    A-buzzin' overhead.
    You ain't mean like no fire ant
    Upon which I oft' tread.
    Cut from the best pattern
    Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
    You sparked up my life
    Like a Rattletrap shad.
    When you hold me real tight
    Like a padded gunrack,
    My life is complete;
    Ain't nuttin' I lack.
    Yore complexion, it's perfection,
    Like the best vinyl sidin'.
    Despite all the years,
    Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
    And when you get old
    Like a '57 Chevy,
    Won't put you on blocks
    And let grass grow up heavy.
    Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
    With a RC cold drank,
    We go together
    Like a skunk goes with stank.
    Some men, they buy chocolate
    For Valentine's Day;
    They git it at Wal-Mart,
    It's romantic that way.
    Some men git roses
    On that special day
    From the cooler at Kroger.
    "That's impressive," I say.
    Some men buy fine diamonds
    From a flea market booth.
    "Diamonds are forever,"
    They explain, suave and couth.
    But for this man, honey,
    These will not do.
    For you are too special,
    You sweet thang you.
    I got you a gift,
    Without taste nor odor,
    Better than diamonds
    it's a new trollin' motor.