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A letter from home (West Virginia)

Discussion in 'OGF Comedy Corner' started by Elamenohpee, Feb 12, 2005.

  1. Elamenohpee

    Elamenohpee Banned

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    Dear Son,

    Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.

    You won't recognize the house when you come home because we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

    This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. .

    Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an aunt or an uncle.

    Your brother Tom is still in the army. In the short time he’s been there, they've already made him a court martial!

    Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey at a distillery he was touring. Some of his workers tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.

    I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me I couldn’t talk for ten minutes. Your father offered $100 to buy it from him.

    The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.

    About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

    John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

    Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

    There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

    Your loving Mom

    P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 30, 2015
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