A guy and his wife are fishing in the bay when their boat capsizes and they are forced to swim for shore. At some point, the wife goes under and never returns to the surface. The police are called and divers come in to begin searching for the body. The next day, a cop comes to the guy's house. "Mr. Smith," he says, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. But, I 've also got some good news, and some other really good news." "What's the bad news?" the guy asks. "The divers found your wife at the bottom of the bay," the cop says, "She's dead." "Dead? So what's the good news?" "When they pulled her up, she had a dozen lobsters hanging off of her." The guy is in shock. "And what's the really good news?" The cop grins. "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow." A fisherman was surf fishing along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened the bottle. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, "I am so grateful to get out of that bottle that I will grant you any wish, but I can only grant one." The man thought for a while and finally said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii and fish along the beautiful beaches of Hawaii. I've never been able to go because I cannot fly. Airplanes are much too frightening for me. On a boat, I see all that water and I become very claustrophobic. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii. The genie thought for a few minutes and finally said, "No, I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Consider all the piling needed to hold up a highway and how deep they would have to go to reach the bottom of the ocean. Imagine all the pavement needed. No, that is just too much to ask." The man thought for a few minutes and then told the genie, "There is one other thing I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with, when they want attention, when they don't. Basically, what makes them tick." The genie considered for a few minutes and said, "So, do you want two lanes or four?" Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?" Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."